


i warned you about lockers bro

by karkat_marx



Category: Homestuck
Genre: FUCK, Humanstuck, M/M, i cant come up with anything better though, the title of this is dumb and i hate it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karkat_marx/pseuds/karkat_marx
Summary: karkat somehow gets stuck in dave's locker. wacky shenanigans ensue
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 53





	i warned you about lockers bro

**Author's Note:**

> i have no idea how locker combinations work

Karkat leans against the back wall of Dave's locker, regretting every decision that he has ever made up to this point. He should have thought this through. He really should have. But it's too late for that.  


A messy outline of a completely bullshit alibi hangs in the back of his mind. If someone does end up finding him, he knows that he's going to need it, especially if that someone is the person who the locker is used by. He doesn't know what he'd do if Dave-  
DAVE: dude  
DAVE: what the fuck are you doing in my locker  
In an instant, Karkat loses his train of thought entirely.  
KARKAT: UH  
There is a small envelope sitting by Karkat's feet. His mind a blank, he dismissively and discreetly attempts to kick it out of Dave's line of sight.  
DAVE: do i even wanna know  
KARKAT: I CAN EXPLAIN!  
Karkat continues attempting to kick the envelope out of sight. He finally manages. Remembering his alibi, he draws in a deep breath.  
KARKAT: WHEN EIGHTH PERIOD CONCLUDED...UH. EVERYONE WAS DISMISSED.  
KARKAT: AS SUCH, I HAD TO WALK DOWNSTAIRS TO GET PICKED UP.  
DAVE: yeah no fucking duh  
KARKAT: YOU DIDN'T LET ME FUCKING FINISH!  
KARKAT: AS I WAS SAYING, BEFORE YOU SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED, I WAS SENT TO THE BUS RAMP.  
KARKAT: I MADE MY WAY THERE. BUT AS I DID, I HAPPENED TO NOTICE THAT SOMEONE HAD LEFT THEIR FUCKING LOCKER OPEN!  
DAVE: karkat nobody just leaves their locker open  
DAVE: its a process  
DAVE: when youre done doing whatever the fuck you need to do with your locker you close it  
DAVE: and once you close it you double check to see if you closed it right  
DAVE: i dont leave my locker open because im not a fucking idiot and because i have functioning eyes and a brain  
KARKAT: I BEG TO DIFFER!  
DAVE: then beg  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD STOP FUCKING TALKING  
KARKAT: WHEN I SAW THAT YOU HAD LEFT YOUR LOCKER OPEN, SEEING AS HOW I'M A HALF-DECENT PERSON, I COULDN'T JUST LEAVE IT LIKE THAT.  
DAVE: howd you know it was my locker  
KARKAT: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, COULD YOU *PLEASE* SHUT THE FUCK UP SO I CAN EXPLAIN MYSELF?  
KARKAT: I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA IT WAS YOUR LOCKER. NOBODY PAYS ATTENTION TO WHERE THEIR FRIEND'S LOCKERS ARE. ARE YOU PERHAPS INSINUATING THAT I PAY ENOUGH ATTENTION TO YOU TO KNOW SIMPLE, INSIGNIFICANT FACTS SUCH AS WHERE YOUR LOCKER IS? THE EXACT COMBINATION? DARE I SAY YOUR ENTIRE SCHEDULE?  
KARKAT: THAT'S THE MOST FAR-FETCHED THING I'VE HEARD, AND SINCE I AM A NORMAL PERSON WITH A NORMAL LIFE, IT IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION. SO. NOT A FUCKING CHANCE.  
Karkat's face flushes red as he averts his eyes off to the side.  
KARKAT: I WAS TRYING TO DO YOU A FAVOR BY PROPERLY CLOSING YOUR LOCKER FOR YOU.  
KARKAT: AND LO, AS I WAS PERFORMING THIS ACTION, *SOMEBODY* MUST HAVE PUSHED ME IN!  
KARKAT: ALAS, ON ACCOUNT OF MY SHITTY REFLEXES, I WAS NOT ABLE TO STOP THE DOOR TO THE LOCKER FROM SHUTTING, MEANING I WAS STUCK IN THE LOCKER UNTIL SOMEONE CAME TO FIND ME.  
KARKAT: SO THERE YOU HAVE IT.  
DAVE: alright fine whatever  
DAVE: just get out  
DAVE: here ill give you a hand  
KARKAT: DAVE, *NO!*  
But it's too late. Dave steps closer to Karkat, only to trip on his own shoelaces and fall next to him in the locker. The door shuts with a resounding thud behind him.  
DAVE: FUCK  
KARKAT: WHY IN THE EVERLOVING *FUCK* AREN'T YOUR SHOELACES TIED?  
KARKAT: THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. DON'T FUCKING ANSWER THAT.  


DAVE: so  


DAVE: what  


DAVE: what do we do now  
KARKAT: FUCK IF I KNOW!  
KARKAT: LET'S TRY MAKING AS MUCH NOISE AS POSSIBLE. MAYBE A TEACHER OR SOMETHING WILL SEE US AND LET US OUT.  
Karkat lifts his fist and slams it repeatedly on the door. It is undoubtedly successful in making noise as intended, but there is nobody around to help.  
KARKAT: DAVE, YOU FUCKING MORON! IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK UNLESS BOTH OF US ARE DOING IT!  
DAVE: fine  
Both Dave and Karkat begin simultaneously pounding on the door. With their combined efforts, slightly more noise is produced. It is still not enough to attract someone's attention.  
KARKAT: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!  
Karkat stops pounding on the door, his arms weary and worn out. In a blind fit of gamer rage, he slams his foot against it as hard as he possibly can. As one could imagine, it hurts like a bitch.  
KARKAT: AFJERIDUGHRTUIVFJKBNETRGDFUHJCNKBRTDFGJKNHBIJVNKGF  
DAVE: we need a new plan  
DAVE: isnt your brother part of the student council  
DAVE: he should still be at school  
DAVE: you have his number on your phone right  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT: WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?  
KARKAT: GOD *FUCKING* DAMNIT, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?  
Karkat reaches for his back pocket and attempts to grab his phone. He is not successful.  
KARKAT: I CAN'T REACH IT.  
DAVE: ugh  
Dave reaches into Karkat's pocket and grabs the phone himself. Karkat immediately snatches it out of his hands.  
KARKAT: IF YOU START MAKING LOUD SEX NOISES WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE WITH KANKRI, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR DICK OFF.  
Karkat swipes through his contact list for a few seconds before finding the one he's looking for. He taps the call button and holds the phone up to his ear.  
DAVE: why is your brother listed as-  
KARKAT: SHH. SHUT UP.  
Karkat begins speaking.  
KARKAT: HEY. SO-  
Indiscernible chatter can be heard from the other end. With his free hand, Karkat clenches his fist.  
KARKAT: WHY? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? BECAUSE I'M FUCKING STUCK IN A FUCKING LOCKER, THAT'S WHY!  
KARKAT: YOU ARE LITERALLY MY ONLY OPTION HERE. I NEED YOUR HELP. I WOULD NOT HAVE CALLED YOU OTHERWISE.  
Yet more indiscernible chatter emerges from the speaker. Dave rolls his eyes.  
KARKAT: LOCKER 413. FLOOR TWO. THE COMBINATION IS-  
Karkat stops dead in his tracks. It would be incredibly suspicious to tell Kankri the combination without asking Dave for it first, and he does NOT need to be found out.  
KARKAT: HOLD THAT THOUGHT.  
Karkat cups his hand over the phone.  
KARKAT: ALRIGHT DICKTWITCH, WHAT'S THE COMBINATION?  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: 4 - 22 - 0  
KARKAT: HE SAYS IT'S 4 - 22 - 0. HURRY YOUR ASS OVER HERE.  
Ending the call, Karkat turns to Dave.  
KARKAT: HE'LL BE HERE SOON.  


A few minutes pass, and Kankri arrives at the locker to let Dave and Karkat out. They are walking down the stairs when Karkat pipes up.  
KARKAT: DO YOU  
KARKAT: UH  
KARKAT: WANT A RIDE HOME?  
KARKAT: YOU WON'T BE IMPOSING ON US, I SWEAR. DAD EVEN OFFERED HIMSELF.  
Dave pauses for a second before nodding.  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: its not like i have any other options  
KARKAT: ALRIGHT, THEN.  
They are left in silence as they continue on their way.  
DAVE: actually you know what would it be cool if i-  
KARKAT: THAT'D BE FINE.  
Karkat blushes softly. This time, Dave definitely notices, but he doesn't say a thing.  
KARKAT: BUT WE...UH. DON'T REALLY HAVE A SPARE BED FOR YOU TO SLEEP IN OR ANYTHING.  
KARKAT: I'M NOT LETTING YOU SLEEP ON THE FLOOR, EITHER.  
KARKAT: SO. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO...  
Karkat's blush intensifies as he makes a vague and awkward gesture with his hands. Somehow, though, Dave seems to understand.  
KARKAT: YOU KNOW.  
KARKAT: IS THAT OKAY?  
DAVE: no yeah thats definitely okay  
DAVE: better than the alternative  
DAVE: a lot better than the alternative  
DAVE: shit  
Dave curses himself under his breath. He said too much and he knows it. Despite himself, Karkat can't help but smile.  


On the ride to Karkat's house, it hits him that he forgot to take the envelope back as he had intended. But something tells him that in the end, it won't matter anyways.  


**Author's Note:**

> this might be out of character but whatever. im posting this anyways. we die like men


End file.
